In the past few times that Robby and I have seriously considered marriage dates...it has been so hard. I am so set on earlier than later and the fact that my family will all be in town for the holiday break makes it seem so much better to be married then. Robby feels otherwise. He wants more time to make everything special and he talked to his mother again tonight and my heart sinks almost every time he does. I still don't completely understand why but I think its because I feel a loss of control. I feel like when they talk suddenly my desires have to be changed. I feel like her wants suddenly take priority. I am still recovering from all the hurt I feel through their unacceptance. Brent and Whitley came over last night after Robby and I fasted to feel better about what we should do. They gave us really good advice and helped me feel better. They mentioned things they know I'm going through with the family and how I can make things easier.
Anyway tonight I felt good about it all for a moment, taking things slower and planning a later wedding with our families involved more. For some reason my good feelings passed in an instant. I don't know what to do. Why is it so hard to set a date to start eternity with the love of my life? Why does it seem so much more complex and harder than it already is? My prayers tonight were a little rough. I really only pleaded for Heavenly Father to help me use the Atonement. I know Christ is the only one who understands me right now. In this moment.
I opened up my gospel library app to read scriptures but came across verse 5 the hymn How Firm A Foundation which was opened because it was mentioned in a CES devotional last night given by Elder Hallstrom of the Seventy. It was no coincidence that this was the verse the app had opened up straight too. The words are exactly the answer I need tonight, here they are:
"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, thy dross to consume,
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."
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