The Spirit Enhances

Tonight Robby called his mother to have "the talk" about us getting married. He was super anxious earlier today, and so was I after hearing that he was going to tell his parents today! Well yesterday because it is now 2am.... anyway church today was absolutely incredible. The talks in sacrament were on perfect love and the last speaker quoted one of my favorite songs from the Lamb of God. He quoted the lyrics from Here is Hope. I love the part in the song talking about our Saviors Atonement how "Hope did not die here, but here was given."

I love knowing that I can change and repent and do better because of the selfless and unconditional love of my Savior. Tonight I have felt it more perfectly and vividly than I ever have before. After a really good talk to Robby about resetting our "lines" (to make sure we are on the path that will lead us to the temple) I started to feel a lot of guilt. Our Sunday school lesson was on the law of chastity, and I needed it. Bro MacArthur from the bishopric talked to me after class about how incredible it is that God trusts us with His power at such a young age. How incredible it is to be married and how we can't even begin to imagine the ways the Spirit enhances our relationship with our spouse when we become endowed and enter into the sealing covenant. There is good reason that any sexual relations outside of marriage is not allowed. Robby and I have been good, but I began to feel terrible about the ways my job as a CNA is influencing me. I began to feel guilt about thinking about when Robby and I will be married because my mind tends to wander and wants to be in a place where it cannot go.

I guess as I drew closer to God today I felt more guilt for the little things that I have brushed off and haven't worried about. The little things that have caused me to draw away from God and giving into my "natural man" tendencies. These things aren't huge, I have not done anything seriously wrong. But Robby encouraged me to repent and to ask for God's forgiveness. He reminded me that repentance is a recommitment of one's self. I am going to do better than I ever have, because I have chosen to become more like my Savior. I have chosen to follow His example and I am in a courtship that has brought me closer to God and Christ more than ever. After Robby's encouragement we embraced and began to kiss in the most gentle and loving way. We are striving to bridle those deep passions and the Spirit we received in that moment of discipling ourselves was indescribable. The Spirit is still burning deep in my heart right now. I will always remember that look on his face...I burst into tears of happiness and pure bliss, I kissed Robby's hand and held them close to my face. He has saved me. He has blessed me and I have never understood Christlike love so deeply until he came into my life. I love Robby with everything I have, my whole Spirit and whole body. My whole mind and whole heart. As I left his house we gently and sweetly kissed one more time, I wanted to hold on that moment forever. He was so darling, (he even called me darling earlier, I loved it) but when I got down the steps he stopped in the doorway to peek his head out and say how beautiful I was. We said goodnight and I walked home (next door ;) ) and looked up at the sky like I always do. I felt so overwhelmed and comforted and warmth from the Spirit I knelt right there on the porch and said a prayer of gratitude and of forgiveness. I am so grateful for a merciful God, who has blessed me truly beyond my capacity to measure.